I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
