Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
