Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
