Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
