somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
