at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
