So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
