First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
