he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
