Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
