babies were throwing up all over the place
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
