My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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