That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
