respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
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