i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
