What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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