I think i peed on brittanys purse
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I love having hate sex.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
