she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
