But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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