There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
