in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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