every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
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Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
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I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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