I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
