I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
You took a bar mat shot.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
