I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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