"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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