just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
