I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Randomize
