Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
