i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
