I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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