I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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