I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize