I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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