I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
