dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
operation have a gay friend backfired
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
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