I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
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I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
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DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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