I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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