i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
