he wants to bone in the snuggie
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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