Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
