My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
