was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
