You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
