I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
