my vag is so smooth its legendary
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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