Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
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