wake up i wanna do it froggy style
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
