You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
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I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
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My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
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