I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
