had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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