i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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