Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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