I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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