erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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