Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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