You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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