Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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